♥So what do we do when facing this struggles in marriage? What can help us not crumble when crumbling is all we want to do.
♥What if I tell you that washing dishes as a couple, that going grocery shopping together, doing errands or playing board games can help you have a long happy marriage. Would you believe me? I hope you will, and I also hope that you are already enjoying doing this kind of activities as a couple. And this is why those “mundane activities” (as Gottman calls them) can predict a happy marriages:
“When couples engage in lots of chitchat … I can be pretty sure that they will stay happily married,” and that is because “husband and wife are connecting-they are tuning toward each other. ” “Real life romance It is kept alive each time you let your spouse know he or she is valued during the grind of every day life.”
♥If all of this small activities we do for each other every day can really determine our future happiness, how can we make sure we are doing them with the right heart set? It is simple, if you don’t like sports but your spouse does, make the choice to show a little of interest, not in sports, but in spending time with your suppose doing something they like to do. As couples do this, they will be investing, in what Gottman calls, Emotional bak accounts:
“Partners who characteristically turn toward each other rather than away, are putting money in the bank. They are building up emotional savings that can serve as a cushion when times get rough, when they are faced with major life stresses or conflict. Because they have stored up all of this goodwill, they are better to make allowances for each other when conflict arises.”
♥ So start today to pay more attention to the little things that can mean big things for a happy marriage. Start cooking together, play games together, clean the house together, stay up talking about how each other’s day went. You don’t like sports, but you love your hubby and want to be closer to him, and give him a heart attack of joy? Then spend some time with him when he is watching sports, or going to sports. Yo probably won’t like the sport after that, but for sure your husband will like you, love you and appreciate you more.
If I aske you a few questions abut your sweet heart, would you know the answers? Lets see…
♥What is your better half favorite color?
♥What’s his/her favorite restaurant?
♥What is your sweetheart’s dream job?
♥And I can go on and on. This are simple questions right? So how well did you do? Where you right about the answers to this questions? Most couples may think that this are simple and silly questions, that it does have anything to do with their relationship to know or not know this information. But according to John B. Gottman says that there is a big difference between knowing your spouse’s “joys, likes, dislikes, fears and stresses,” and having an intimate knowledge of each other’s world.
♥To truly love someone, Gottman says, we need to know them, because if we don’t know them, how can we truly love them? So how can we get to the point of truly knowing our spouses, it is simple, we need to make them our priority in our lives. As we strive to get to know them better, we will start to feel a stronger connection, our feelings of love and admiration will increase, and positivity will become a strong element in our relationship. As you start building you library of knowledge about your one true love, you will start build what Gottman calls Love Maps. The more you know about each other, the stronger the Love Map, and the stronger the love map, greater possibilities of having a happy, long lasting marriage. And this is possible because the more we know about our spouse, we will understand them better, we will be able to do the things we know make them happy, we will strive to do everything in our power to fill their lives with joy.
Marriage is a sacred and delicate union, and as such it needs to be nourish to keep it alive. Gottman says that,
“If a couple still has functioning fondness and admiration system, their marriage is salvageable… Fondness and Admiration are two of the most crucial elements in a rewarding and long lasting romance. When this sense is completely missing from a marriage, the relationship cannot be revived.”
♥So what is fondness and admiration you may ask, and I will tell you that the answer is simple, it is the mutual respect you have for each other, and the capacity to think positively about each other, even when facing trials and struggles. If this elements are ever missing in a marriage, then that marriage will be in trouble.
So, start right now, write a list of simple question that you may want to ask your better half in order to know them better. Together remember great moment you have shared in your lives. AS simple as it seems, filling your heart with the sweet, simple and joyful moments of the past, can fill your present with hopes, and it will reflect in a promising happily ever after future!!
♥Have you ever heard couples say, “I marry my best friend?” Actually I have said that too, or maybe you have also. And if you still feel that way about your relationship with your sweetheart, then I can tell you that you are in the right path for a happy and successful marriage life.
♥According to John Gottman, the country’s foremost relationship expert, he can predict if a marriage will last or it will end in divorce base in the kind of friendship they have. He strongly reaffirms that friendship is at the heart of a marriage and that:
“..the key to reviving or divorce-proving a relationship is not in how you handle disagreement but in how you are with each other when you’re not fighting.”
♥Analyzed yourself and the time you spend with your spouse when you are not fighting, (hopefully most of the time you are not fighting). That’s the time when we really interact with each other, when we can share our feelings, interests, plans, dreams and aspirations. Think about it, what do you do when you have time to spend with each other? Do you take advantage of that time to do something together? Do you laugh often, do you make sure he/she is happy? Gottam continues to say that:
“Happy marriages are based on a deep friendship. By this I mean a
mutual respect for and enjoyment of each other’s company.”
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“In the strongest marriages, husband and wife share a deep sense of meaning. They don’t just “get along”–they support each other’s hopes and aspirations and build a sense of purpose into their lives together. They honor and respect each other.”
♥Elder Marlin K. Jensen said,
“Nothing is more inspiring in today’s world of easily dissolved marriages than to observe a husband and wife quietly appreciating and enjoying each other’s friendship year in and year out as they experience together the blessings and trials of mortality.”
♥So, the question that is probably linguering in your head is, what is friendship? How can I know if I am a good friend to my spouse? And to answer that question perfectly, Elder Tanner said,
“In fact, if the consummate Christian attribute of charity has a first cousin, it is friendship. To paraphrase the Apostle Paul slightly, friendship “suffereth long, and is kind; [friendship] envieth not; … seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil; … [friendship] never faileth.” “
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♥ You may ask yourself, what kind of friends are we to be? Even as Christ, because “Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends.” And your grater friend in this life should always be
♥ I really hope that as you were reading this post, that you where thinking about the friendship you have with your spouse. And if you think is kind of shaky, I hope you can follow this advice and start working on it and make it flourish, make it strong, and make it a priority in your life right now!!
HOORAY FOR FRIENDSHIP!!
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“I love you so much sweetie, I don’t think I can live without you.” Have you heard someone say those words to their significant other?, or maybe you have said them yourself, I know I have. Now the question is, do you really mean it, or it is just a simple expression?
♥ This week I learned that there are two types of marriage categories in which each marriage in the world falls in. One is the kind in which the couple really cannot live without their significant other, because they mean it when they say “I can’t live without you.” The other marriage is where those words are only said as a simple expression and they have no deep meaning. And here are the two different ones, as you read please evaluate what kind of marriage you have, or what kind of marriage you would like to have (if you are single).
♥This is the kind of marriage that when trouble comes, when they find roadblocks in their path, the “parties seek happiness by walking away.” And this happens because they only “marry to obtain benefits and will stay only as long as they’re receiving what they bargained for.(Elder Hafen 1996)” It is sad to see more and more couples falling into this category, it seems that they get marry until they run out of love, and that is the limit of their commitment. A very good example of this type of marriage can be seen in some of the lives of the rich and famous, who can see marriage as a movie contract, with a beginning and with a The End.
♥ Completely contrary to contractual marriage, in a covenant marriage when husband and wife face trouble, when those roadblocks come their way, instead of walking away they work together through them. That is because they “marry to give and to grow, bound by covenants to each other, to the community, and to God.( Elder Hafen 1996)” They see marriage as what it is, a covenant between them and God. They understand that “righteous marriage is a commandment and an essential step in the process of creating a loving family relationship that can be perpetuated beyond the grave. (David Bednar 2006)”
One more thing about the difference between these two types of marriages:
CONTRACT COMPANIONS EACH GIVE 50%
COVENANT COMPANIONS GIVE 100% EACH
♥Once again, think about your own, or your future marriage, what are you willing to give? What do you want your companion to give to your happily ever after? Do you want a contract or a covenant? Once you answer those questions you will be on your way to what you want in your marriage!! In my case, I’m in search of my real life fairytale ending, “And they live happily ever after.” Because I know it is possible, but only when you are willing to fight for it!! And believe me when I say, I am willing to fight for my marriage!!♥♥♥
♥HURRAY FOR MARRIAGE!♥
Men and women were created with a specific and vital purpose: to be in a partnership with Heavenly Father in creating physical bodies for His spiritual children; which is a vital part of His eternal plan of happiness. As husband and wife, we unite in matrimony and when we do, we “are no more twain, but one flesh (Matthew 19:6).” Meaning that we are now one in purpose, in heart and in commitment. The proclamation states, “THE FAMILY is ordained of God. Marriage between man and woman is essential to His eternal plan.” Our role is “essential to His eternal plan.” Those words bring joy and humility! Heavenly Father trust us, his mortal children, that He has given us an essential responsibility in his perfect and eternal plan. And that “essential” part we have is to bring children to this world. That’s why He has created us male and female, because we have unique, divine and essential characteristics necessary to procreate. Like Lynn D. Wardle said, “Men and women are different in a universe of complementary ways and aspects, and their union creates a uniquely valuable relationship much greater than the sum of the parts.”
As we can see, marriage is more than a simple word, it is a small word with eternal meaning. And here are a few things we should know about this small word.
WHY MARRIAGE MATTERS:
- Marriage is not only for husbands and wives to show their love and affection, “marriage is essential in preserving social stability and perpetuating life (Universal Declaration of Human Rights 1948).”
- Marriage “is not just a word or a “piece of paper.” It is the oldest social institution in the world.”
- Conjugal marriage contributes more to society than other forms of intimate adult relationship.
- Marriage establishes the moral core of family and the moral baseline and standards for society.”
- Marriage is the most critical bridge and bonding connection in society.
- In marriage we learn to sacrifice for the welfare of others.
- In marriage we learn to nurture, to give, to express love, to forgive and be one with others.