♥Have you ever heard couples say, “I marry my best friend?” Actually I have said that too, or maybe you have also. And if you still feel that way about your relationship with your sweetheart, then I can tell you that you are in the right path for a happy and successful marriage life.
♥According to John Gottman, the country’s foremost relationship expert, he can predict if a marriage will last or it will end in divorce base in the kind of friendship they have. He strongly reaffirms that friendship is at the heart of a marriage and that:
“..the key to reviving or divorce-proving a relationship is not in how you handle disagreement but in how you are with each other when you’re not fighting.”
♥Analyzed yourself and the time you spend with your spouse when you are not fighting, (hopefully most of the time you are not fighting). That’s the time when we really interact with each other, when we can share our feelings, interests, plans, dreams and aspirations. Think about it, what do you do when you have time to spend with each other? Do you take advantage of that time to do something together? Do you laugh often, do you make sure he/she is happy? Gottam continues to say that:
“Happy marriages are based on a deep friendship. By this I mean a
mutual respect for and enjoyment of each other’s company.”
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“In the strongest marriages, husband and wife share a deep sense of meaning. They don’t just “get along”–they support each other’s hopes and aspirations and build a sense of purpose into their lives together. They honor and respect each other.”
♥Elder Marlin K. Jensen said,
“Nothing is more inspiring in today’s world of easily dissolved marriages than to observe a husband and wife quietly appreciating and enjoying each other’s friendship year in and year out as they experience together the blessings and trials of mortality.”
♥So, the question that is probably linguering in your head is, what is friendship? How can I know if I am a good friend to my spouse? And to answer that question perfectly, Elder Tanner said,
“In fact, if the consummate Christian attribute of charity has a first cousin, it is friendship. To paraphrase the Apostle Paul slightly, friendship “suffereth long, and is kind; [friendship] envieth not; … seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil; … [friendship] never faileth.” “
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♥ You may ask yourself, what kind of friends are we to be? Even as Christ, because “Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends.” And your grater friend in this life should always be
♥ I really hope that as you were reading this post, that you where thinking about the friendship you have with your spouse. And if you think is kind of shaky, I hope you can follow this advice and start working on it and make it flourish, make it strong, and make it a priority in your life right now!!
HOORAY FOR FRIENDSHIP!!
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“I love you so much sweetie, I don’t think I can live without you.” Have you heard someone say those words to their significant other?, or maybe you have said them yourself, I know I have. Now the question is, do you really mean it, or it is just a simple expression?
♥ This week I learned that there are two types of marriage categories in which each marriage in the world falls in. One is the kind in which the couple really cannot live without their significant other, because they mean it when they say “I can’t live without you.” The other marriage is where those words are only said as a simple expression and they have no deep meaning. And here are the two different ones, as you read please evaluate what kind of marriage you have, or what kind of marriage you would like to have (if you are single).
♥This is the kind of marriage that when trouble comes, when they find roadblocks in their path, the “parties seek happiness by walking away.” And this happens because they only “marry to obtain benefits and will stay only as long as they’re receiving what they bargained for.(Elder Hafen 1996)” It is sad to see more and more couples falling into this category, it seems that they get marry until they run out of love, and that is the limit of their commitment. A very good example of this type of marriage can be seen in some of the lives of the rich and famous, who can see marriage as a movie contract, with a beginning and with a The End.
♥ Completely contrary to contractual marriage, in a covenant marriage when husband and wife face trouble, when those roadblocks come their way, instead of walking away they work together through them. That is because they “marry to give and to grow, bound by covenants to each other, to the community, and to God.( Elder Hafen 1996)” They see marriage as what it is, a covenant between them and God. They understand that “righteous marriage is a commandment and an essential step in the process of creating a loving family relationship that can be perpetuated beyond the grave. (David Bednar 2006)”
One more thing about the difference between these two types of marriages:
CONTRACT COMPANIONS EACH GIVE 50%
COVENANT COMPANIONS GIVE 100% EACH
♥Once again, think about your own, or your future marriage, what are you willing to give? What do you want your companion to give to your happily ever after? Do you want a contract or a covenant? Once you answer those questions you will be on your way to what you want in your marriage!! In my case, I’m in search of my real life fairytale ending, “And they live happily ever after.” Because I know it is possible, but only when you are willing to fight for it!! And believe me when I say, I am willing to fight for my marriage!!♥♥♥
♥HURRAY FOR MARRIAGE!♥
Men and women were created with a specific and vital purpose: to be in a partnership with Heavenly Father in creating physical bodies for His spiritual children; which is a vital part of His eternal plan of happiness. As husband and wife, we unite in matrimony and when we do, we “are no more twain, but one flesh (Matthew 19:6).” Meaning that we are now one in purpose, in heart and in commitment. The proclamation states, “THE FAMILY is ordained of God. Marriage between man and woman is essential to His eternal plan.” Our role is “essential to His eternal plan.” Those words bring joy and humility! Heavenly Father trust us, his mortal children, that He has given us an essential responsibility in his perfect and eternal plan. And that “essential” part we have is to bring children to this world. That’s why He has created us male and female, because we have unique, divine and essential characteristics necessary to procreate. Like Lynn D. Wardle said, “Men and women are different in a universe of complementary ways and aspects, and their union creates a uniquely valuable relationship much greater than the sum of the parts.”
As we can see, marriage is more than a simple word, it is a small word with eternal meaning. And here are a few things we should know about this small word.
WHY MARRIAGE MATTERS:
- Marriage is not only for husbands and wives to show their love and affection, “marriage is essential in preserving social stability and perpetuating life (Universal Declaration of Human Rights 1948).”
- Marriage “is not just a word or a “piece of paper.” It is the oldest social institution in the world.”
- Conjugal marriage contributes more to society than other forms of intimate adult relationship.
- Marriage establishes the moral core of family and the moral baseline and standards for society.”
- Marriage is the most critical bridge and bonding connection in society.
- In marriage we learn to sacrifice for the welfare of others.
- In marriage we learn to nurture, to give, to express love, to forgive and be one with others.
Hurray for MARRIAGE!
When we listen to stories that talk about happily ever after, it can make us dream about having such a magical event in our own lives. We want the perfect prince to come and wake us up with a magical kiss that will break the curse, the curse of loneliness. And the prince has the same dreams, to find a sleepy beautiful princess and with his magical kiss wake her up and form the most perfect union.
All of that sounds very magical and romantic!! But what we don’t see is what follows after the kiss, about how things work in real life. Our beloved Apostle President Dieter F. Uchtdorf during a CES devotional titled “The Reflection in the Water” shares a powerful story that will help us see ourselves and our companion in a different prefect way:
“There’s an old story about a young women on an archaeological excavation who discovers an ancient-looking lamp. When she rubs it, a genie appears, offering her one wish. She thinks for a moment and asks for world peace, that people would love each other and live in harmony forever. The genie contemplates her request, and finally says, what you’re asking for is possible. The division among the peoples of the world is too deep and has existed for way too long. Please ask for something else, anything but that.
So the young lady thinks again, and says, somewhere out there is the one person I was meant to be with. I want to find him, someone who is handsome, thoughtful, and has a sense of humor. Someone who will help around the house, loves kids, doesn’t watch sports all the time. Has a great job, thinks first about my happiness, someone who will go shopping with me, and someone who can get along with my family.
The genie considers her request for a moment, sighs deeply, and then replies, let me see what I can do about world peace.”
We all tend to believe that there is just one true and perfect companion for us, and if we don’t find “the One”, then we won’t be happy. For that reason, President Uchtdorf continues to explain the true meaning of perfection:
“Since you won’t to find perfection in your partner, and your partner won’t find it in you, your only chance at perfection is in creating perfection together. That is the secret. There are those who do not marry because they feel a lack of magic in relationships. By magic, I assume they mean sparks of attraction. Falling in love is a wonderful feeling, and I would never counsel you to marry someone you don’t love.
Nevertheless, and here’s another thing that is sometimes hard to accept, that magic sparkle needs continued polishing. When the magic endures in a relationship, it’s because the couple made it happen, not because it mystically appeared due to some cosmic force.”
Lets create perfection in our marriages! Lets make a commitment right now to keep “the magic sparkle” alive by polishing it every day! Because the only way to a “Happily Ever After” ending, is when two imperfect beings, who are perfectly in love with each other, work in harmony as one to make it happen!!
Hurray for True Love!!